Wednesday, December 31, 2008


There's no better way to honor the lazy debutante than getting a t-shirt with her pic on it. Coming soon. They'll be great.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


The lazy Debutante is a delight to behold at the holidays. Her plans include flying to Mesa (I am sure first class). She will get lots of presents but her family supplies a helper to open them for her. She will sit on a couch at Casa del Hoon, and use her mac book to order sexy boots and send insidious emails. Hey Mesa-ites, please keep your eyes upon on the hoon-palace. If you are lucky, you may see the debutante riding a segue to get the mail or into a fine automobile. If you go to the local mall, watch out for a Jazzy and a ball of curly hair, you could lose a toe. I wonder if somebody has notified the mayor that a special guest is on her way.

In all serious, I am sad that she is going home for the holidays. There is something comforting about knowing somebody I love is always going to be where I need them, on a couch, on park street. I am lost without her.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

No Offense, Lazy D...

But I think the couch is starting to get sick of you.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I'm Just Trying To Do My Part

To help this lazy debutante make the transition from tween debutante to refined, mature adult debutante. How can you do this? You ask. Well, it's really not easy. But I try.

I was thinking recently, what can help a person who already has a lot of class and is adept in social situations like debutantes are? Well, maybe they could use a little help in their intellectual development (debutantes in general). And what is the best way to develop your intellect? Reading. Books. Reading and/or books. Yes, reading is important, but it's almost equally important to own books that will impress others.

So this weekend I was out and about, and I ran across a copy of this:

Oh yes, I remember that movie, you say. But not so fast. This isn't the movie. This is the book.

I figure, this is a book that may actually interest the lazy debutante and since it's a page-turner she may actually read it. It'll be something new to do while sitting on the couch.

Maybe that's wishful thinking. But if all else fails, at least it's up on her shelf now and someone may see it and be impressed. It's been on her shelf now since Saturday. I'm not sure if she's noticed yet, though.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Whenever I'm Feeling Particularly Chivalrous...

I like to do a special service for this Lazy Debutante. I don't do this too much because it takes too much out of me.

But on those occasions when I feel like cheering the dreary day of a debutante still reliving her glory days, this is what I do.

I clean the house. Pretty amazingly. Or usually at least enough to please her.

And why would I do this? Is it because the LD thrives in cleanliness? No. That's not it at all.

In fact, the real reason is that there is nothing, Nothing that the lazy debutante enjoys more than messing up a recently cleant room. It gives her the chills. I really think I've seen her shriek when she walks in the door and the house is clean. And run full speed in to her debutante room and grab like 4 pairs of shoes she can bring into the living room and put them in various places.

You know what, the joy this seems to bring this debutante brings me joy too. So I don't even complain. Ever.

Especially because I know the true wishes of her heart--to have her precious laptop surgically implanted onto her body somehow, and to be able to communicate in cat language (not just to communicate with cats emotionally, which many people can do, but to truly speak the language of cats)--because reasonably, I don't see either of these things happening in this lifetime. At least not any time before 2012.

And I just want to see that lazy debutante smile.

And so do you...

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I Feel Like I Should Maybe Tell Her

That it doesn't actually work to pay someone to exercise for you. That's not the way it works. You have to do it yourself. You have to get your award-winning body up out of that jazzy and move it.

But maybe this is something she needs to learn for herself? And I'm a little interested to see how it pans out.

Monday, November 24, 2008


Sometimes the Debutante is productive. This weekend she made eggnog, from scratch! It was delicious and really a fruit of actual labor. However, she did not disappoint when she asked one of us to bring it to the party for her because she did not want to get her car eggnoggy.

Friday, November 21, 2008

I Love This Debutante

Yes, she may be lazy.
But I learned something tonight.
When Michelle is determined to do something, it's a great idea to tack on a couple of chores for her in her momentum.
For example, tonight she really wants to eat peppermint icecream and watch the Wire. So I encouraged her in her to follow her desires. I let her borrow my blockbuster card and told her she could use my free rental. (But I also gave her my other movie to return that's way overdue). And I encouraged her to go to the Smith's and buy some iced cream. (But I also told her to buy some light bulbs while she's there). See? Everyone wins. She's out there. Right now. No, not on the couch. Out in the world. Doing important stuff!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Ricky Nelson

Have you ever heard that song about how if you can't please everyone, you gotta please Michelle?

Well it is true.

Let's Get This Girl A Jazzy!!!

For she clearly needs one. It gets difficult to move great distances. Like from the sofa to the fridge. Or from the sofa to the bathroom. Or from the sofa to the peep hole in our door to see if it's Caroline or Allison coming in the door. Let's save this debutante from unnecessary stresses and strains of commoners!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Sometimes I Wish That

Michelle would shave her head. It can be disconcerting to find black, curly hairs EVERYWHERE. Don't get me wrong. I love that sassy coif. But last night when I was brushing my teeth, I suddenly had the sensation that I was also FLOSSING my teeth. I whipped that brush out of my mouth to realize that there was a hoonhair intertwined in my bristles.

In Addition...

It was uncanny how many people voted for her in a game when the question was, "Which person in this room is most likely to be upset if their kids aren't popular in high school". I mean, she was a debutante, for heaven's sake. You can't just have nerdy kids.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


I think that is Michelle had live 150 years ago, she would have totally owned slaves.

Just sayin'.